Space Divas
by kamz00r
Summary: An exhausted C-sec officer has the pleasure of meeting the savior of the galaxy and her good (but just as intimidating) friend, Miranda Lawson. However, given the state that they're in, the two have to wait for the Commander's (also intimidating) ex-vigilante boyfriend to retrieve them. Semi-sequel to People are Strange but is also considered a standalone fic.


**AN: **Alright! So, this is a kinda sorta sequel to my People are Strange fic but is also considered a stand alone fic as well! Thank you to the reviewers that left such kind reviews on my last one! I appreciate every one and I hope you enjoy this one as well! I went over this thing as many times as I could but I do not have a beta so please excuse any typing errors.

* * *

"Shepard, I-I don't think you're going to be able to smooth talk your way out of this one."

"Miranda, I've yet to be in a situation my awe inspiring charisma couldn't pull me out of, honestly. Remember that one time we went to that neat asari restaurant?"

"For the life of me I cannot tell whether your vocabulary improves or worsens when you're inebriated."

"I don't even know how you managed to say that word. You drank more than I did."

"Definitely worsens."

"Inheebated."

"In-ee-bree-ated, Shepard."

"Anyberated?"

A C-sec officer shook his head in dismay.

* * *

It was almost two am when Garrus got the call. He had been sitting in Shepard's new kitchen, anxiously awaiting his girlfriend's return. Of course, she could handle herself, he knew this better than anyone, but she had been gone all day, buying upgrades and other tech for the ship. Then Miranda had given her a call, asking about dinner or something like that. Honestly, he just didn't like being away from his Commander for long periods of time anymore.

Not that he would ever say that out loud. Dammit, they had just fought off her evil clone, he was allowed to be a little protective.

He knew Shepard would be spending a majority of the night out with Miranda. The two hadn't seen each other since that business with her father and Kai Leng. However, he was not expecting a phone call from c-sec regarding her whereabouts.

"Hello? Is this Mr. Vakarian?" A timid but exasperated voice asked when he answered the phone.

"Yes, why?" He answered cautiously. C-sec calling at two in the morning? Never a good thing.

"Well, you see sir, we recently-"

"Is that Garrus? Let me talk to him," A familiar voice called from the other end. Garrus contained his groan.

"Ma'am, I don't think-" the cop began to reply, but was cut off by what could only by Commander Shepard wrestling the phone away from him.

"Ger-bear! How are you? What are you still doing up, babe? Don't you need your beauty sleep?" Shepard asked and from her slurred speech, Garrus could tell she'd had one drink too many.

"Don't _you_?" He retaliated dryly.

"Is that Garrus? Don't –hic- don't tell him about the ryncol shots. This is so –hic- embarrassing," he heard Miranda say quietly.

"Miranda has the hiccups! Isn't that cute?" Shepard laughed.

"Very. Now tell me what you've done and where you are currently," Garrus asked, already pulling up his omni-tool to hail a cab.

"Uh, I don't – shit, Miranda where the hell are we?"

"The Presidium?"

"Yeah, that's right! We were trying to shoot fish!"

"Shepard, there aren't any fish on the Presidium." Garrus spoke like this was a completely normal conversation.

"There totally is. Miranda shot one, didn't you Miranda?"

"I'm fairly certain I shot a fish."

"Okay Jane, you mind handing me back to the nice officer who was with you?" Garrus laughed, grabbing a few of his things and heading out the door.

"Fiiine." Shepard sighed, "I love you, big guy."

"I love you too. Now let me talk to the poor cop in charge of babysitting you two tonight." Garrus heard her mutter something about that but she gave the phone back to the cop just the same.

"Yes, sir?" He asked hesitantly.

"Hey, what's your name kid?" Garrus asked.

"Chase, sir."

"Chase, I'll be down there fifteen minutes. In the meantime why don't you get the ladies some water. Oh, and get the loud one something sweet. Maybe some uh, what did she call them? Skittles!" Garrus chuckled to himself, "she'll be much more compliant."

The kid sounded relieved. "Will do. Thank you, sir."

* * *

When Chase had clocked in to work that evening he had not been expecting such an eventful shift. He had been an active member of the force for a good six years now. Joined the academy as soon as he had turned eighteen and he would like to claim he had seen more than most on duty, but if someone had told him earlier that day he would be sitting in front of the legendary Commander Shepard while she tried to attempt to eat an entire bag of skittles while doing a hand stand he would have laughed in their face.

And yet, here he was.

"No, I can do it! Just watch," the Commander stated confidently.

Her friend, Miranda, stood next to her, holding her feet up. "It's true, I've seen her do it." She seemed just as confident as Shepard.

"I'm sure you can ma'am, but in your current state of mind I don't think that's such a good idea," Chase said in exasperation.

"Are you calling me a drunk?" Shepard demanded and even while standing upside down her glare could freeze water.

Chase sank further into his chair and covered his face with his hand. He watched as the two women continued their acrobatic routine. Bailey had stopped by earlier when he found out the first human spectre had been brought in. The two had greeted each other like good friends.

* * *

"Shepard!" Bailey had laughed when he first saw her. "How many times am I going to hear about you and your fire arms on the presidium?"

Shepard had let out a loud laugh as well. "Please Bailey! That first time was during a date! Tonight is ladies night," she'd said, gesturing towards her dark haired friend.

Bailey only grinned. "Well, you stay out of trouble, Shepard!" A request that was a little redundant at this point. "Chase! Keep the ladies comfortable. Oh and call the Commander's turian while you're at it. Let him know she's here."

"Yeah, call my turian," Shepard had demanded. This of course had led to the girls' next topic: men.

* * *

"I-I thought something was there for a while, Shepard. Jacob and I had trained together, we fought together. There was chemistry. " Miranda sighed sadly.

"Next thing you know he's having a kid," Shepard nodded sagely.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for him, honest!"

"Sure, sure. All I know is I lucked out with Garrus. He's made an honest woman outta me."

"Sure, sure," Miranda replied with a smirk.

Shepard hit her arm.

Chase had to deal with this talk all evening. Now he had to wait for this Garrus to come and pick up humanity's most popular marine. She'd been going on about this guy all night and by now he could say he was more than a little intimidated.

Apparently this turian had not only been a member of the first Normandy's crew, he had also been in the special ground team during the Commander's famous suicide mission. He'd been involved in some "damn good work" on Omega, taken a rocket to the face, and knew his sniper rifle like the back of his hand.

So now, Chase watched the galaxy's savior attempt a drunken hand stand with her equally drunk but still very scary friend while they waited on her "ex-cop turned Batman" boyfriend. He had already had two dangerous women in his office, he definitely didn't want to deal with anymore trigger happy members of the commander's crew.

A knock on his door caused Shepard to fall over.

Chase took a breath and put on his best "officer of the law" face before opening the door.

"Garrus!" Commander Shepard squealed. Yes, she definitely squealed.

Chase watched as she latched herself on to the impressive turian and looked up at him with a secretive smirk.

Garrus laughed and wrapped a steadying hand around her waist. "Shepard, I see they haven't cuffed you." As if they could ever cuff Commander Shepard. "And honestly Miranda, I'm surprised at you. Letting C-sec take you in."

"I could have made it home whenever I wanted to. I just stuck around to watch the Commander," she responded coolly." And Chase believed her.

"Garrus, let's go get take out. Miranda and I haven't eaten anything all day," Shepard groaned, rubbing her stomach for emphasis.

Chase glanced at the candy wrappers that littered his desk dryly.

Garrus nodded and gestured towards the door. "Alright you drunks, the cabs is waiting outside."

"Space divas, Garrus," Shepard corrected, "we're space divas."

"And Grunt's a space cowboy, I got the drill. Can I be the space hero then? I'm pretty heroic."

"Only if you pay for the Chinese food, Mr. Wayne," Miranda answered. Shepard nodded in agreement. The two women left the room with as much grace as two plastered space divas could muster up, leaning against each other with their heels hanging loosely in their hands. As they passed they started muttering something about putting a vid in when they got back to the apartment.

Chase noticed Garrus staring at the commander's back side for a little longer than was necessary.

"Sorry about all that," he said, turning back to the officer.

Chase relaxed a bit and gave the turian a smile. "I have to admit, sir, this isn't how I expected my evening to go."

"I can imagine," Garrus nodded, "thanks for watching them, and sorry again for the trouble."

"Oh sir, before you go, I wanted to mention, that advice about the sweets only seemed to make the Commander more uh, rowdy."

Garrus laughed at this. "I know. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got two unstable women waiting for me outside with guns under their dresses."

As he walked out the door all Chase could do was fall in to his chair and laugh himself.

* * *

**MORE AN: **I have come to the conclusion that I just really like writing drunk characters. I can make everyone as silly and out of character as I want! BECAUSE THEY'RE DRUNK. It's just a lot of fun! Alcohol makes everything fun! Plus, hello! Drunk friend cuddles! There wasn't enough cuddling in mass effect so I have to get my fix somewhere. I've also realized I like to glorify my Commander and all her squad mates to the max, so you'll notice in my writings that I tend to make my Shepard out to be a boss ass bitch. Anyway, I guess that's enough author drabble for now, if you enjoyed please leave a review! Thank you so much for reading!


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